Suggestions for MAGA Inauguration Goers Stranded in DC

If you've spent money to travel to the National Capitol to attend Trump's Inaugural only to find out you're not invited anymore, I have some recommendations for things to do while you're in DC

To avoid embarrassingly small crowds and potential hair disasters, the convicted felon has moved his inauguration indoors - much to the chagrin of many a mark who spent thousands of dollars to travel to the Capitol to watch him swear an oath he never intends to keep after breathlessly whining about the price of eggs.

If this is you, I have some suggestions for things to do with your new-found spare time while you’re in Washington DC. Remember, idle hands are the Devil’s plaything!

First, you can take a tour of the Capitol. I hear Barry Loudermilk knows all the secret spots and fancy stairwell sconces you can photograph for your collection of memories. Just call his office and ask him to show you around - even if the Capitol is closed.

Then on Monday, take a trip to the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial to honor his legacy and think about the struggle for freedom, equality, and justice.

Then maybe take a walk down to the WWII Memorial and honor those who died fighting against a convicted felon fascist dictator who seized power by using disinformation to brainwash his cult members.

Next, I recommend heading to the National Portrait Gallery. There, you’ll find multiple portraits of presidents like William Henry Harrison. He was the oldest president to date when he took office, among other interesting facts.

And what trip to DC would be complete without a visit to the Lincoln Memorial? There’s an “I Have a Dream” marker where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. stood as gave his famous speech in 1963. Then you can think about how you’re not a billionaire while you stare longingly into the reflecting pool as it dawns on you that you’re not in the fuckin’ club.

Finally, head over to the National Archives where you can read our founding documents. You’ll learn about how we’re not supposed to establish a national religion, or that no man is above the law. Maybe ask someone what “well-regulated” means. It’ll be a stop to remember.

I know you must be disappointed that Donald doesn’t care enough about you to brave temperatures in the 20’s, but you can make it a trip worth remembering!

~AG