John Roberts: "I Never Thought the Leopards Would Eat *My* Judiciary"

The chief justice who handed an oligarch a crown is once again surprised by the consequences of his own actions

In many of his pretrial motions - particularly in motions to protect discovery and for narrowly tailored gag orders - Special Counsel Jack Smith laid out a mountain of evidence tying Donald Trump’s rhetoric to threats of violence and intimidation. Yet John Roberts can’t figure out why there are so many threats to judges. Given that Justice Roberts usurped last year’s immunity ruling for himself, and knew how he was going to rule well before he ran out the clock on any chance of a trial before the election, I find it hard to believe he didn’t at least glance at the myriad examples of threats to legal officials and witnesses found in Smith’s pleadings before the court.

To act surprised by the increase in threats of violence toward judges reveals either abject incompetence, or willful blindness on his part. Both of which should disqualify anyone from interpreting the Constitution. But yet again, he is making public comments that illustrate his total inability to read a room.

This time, in an appearance at the Judicial Conference, John sang his usual refrains about threats against members of the judiciary, again without naming Trump.

“If you have somebody who’s expressing a high degree of hostility to the court, on whatever basis … the danger, of course, is somebody might pick up on that. And we have had, of course, serious threats of violence and murder of judges just simply for doing their work.”

Cue the GIF of Jack Nicholson, wild-eyed and nodding his head as the camera zooms in “YESSSS YESSSS.” John is so close to getting it! But then he says “I think the political people on both sides of the aisle need to keep that in mind.”

Oh my sweet baby jesus he just both-sidesed violent threats against judges.

But that’s not the worst of it. The seeming inability to self-reflect plumbed new depths. While addressing the pile-up of cases at the end of this term, he said “Things were a little crunched towards the end this year. We’ll try to space it out a little better next year.”

A pile-up, you say? Things were a tad crunched? Now why do you suppose that is, John? Could it be that your actions granting presidents immunity and crowning them kings, postponing if not outright canceling two trials allowing a dictator to be installed who is so fucking lawless that hundreds of his executive orders are being challenged in court, and how maybe that might cause a little bit of a logjam?

I swear to all that is good and holy, I have not seen a man so blithely unaware of the consequences of his own actions since Narcissus.

I suppose next term, we will all be forced to endure incessant John Roberts pearl clutching about the increase in class action lawsuits that will now have to be brought in light of the Supreme Court limiting the use of universal injunctions thereby consolidating power with the high court. “Ohhhh, I never thought it could happen to meeee” he’ll say, as a woman bleeds out in a hospital parking lot after losing her Medicaid and being turned away for religious reasons from the Joel Osteen regional hospital that HealthNet funded to replace the rural hospital that was forced to close under the Billionaire Bailout Bill.

This is your bed, John Roberts. You lie in it. I just wish the rest of us didn’t have to.

~AG

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